04
Apr
08

Panic Attack!

Okay maybe I’m exaggerating a wee bit, but I am nervous.

I am signed up for a poker tournament tonight and my palms are already sweaty just thinking about it. Poker is just not my thing. Unfortunately, it IS my wonderful husband’s THING as well as my boss’ THING.

My boss hosts a bi-monthly poker tourney at his home and it is pretty much a requirement that I attend. I would have a blast if I could simply show up, drink some wine and pal around with the fun (mostly men) poker players.

Unfortunately that kind of behavior is poo-poo’d and I must play. I can honestly think of dozens of not-so-fun activies I’d rather be doing than play poker: scrub my bathroom floor and toilet, clean the garage, write an essay on the history of Lithuania…

I am just not good at any of the skills associated with being a good poker player: counting cards, probability, keeping track of which card combinations are better than others, BLUFFING… the whole situation just unnerves me.

I have a little “cheat sheet” in front of me that I’m trying to memorize for tonight. Here are the hands that I should bet on – any pair, any suited connector (7 & 8 of diamonds), any suite Ace (Ace & 3 of clubs), any Ace + a 10, Jack, Queen or King. Can I write this on my palm for reference tonight?

Even if I could memorize all the “rules”, when it comes around to my turn, I always need to pause and think before I make a move. The others start rolling their eyes which makes me even more nervous. Then, since I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m pretty much whinging it… I’ll make bonehead moves. Randomly I’ll decide, “hey, maybe I can bluff and win this hand?” Of course, it never works out to my advantage.

My performance at these poker parties agitates my husband to no end. He does not understand my lack of interest or ability in this game. We have had some of our nastiest fights on the drive home from these poker parties. Dude, aren’t there more important things in life to care about?!?!?

Like I said, Poker is not my thing. Wish me luck guys!

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