I belong to an infertility forum called, Fertile Thoughts.  The forum has brought me great comfort over the past 6 months or so as I was fully immersed in the world of “ART” or assisted reproductive technology.  It’s a life that revolves around one’s monthly cycle and if you are infertile, it truly feels like a neverending, hopeless story.

One of the gals who posts regularly on this forum is a woman named Charity.  As her name suggests, she is one of the kindest, most supportive, helpful gals on the forum…. always quick to give advice, encouragement, virtual hugs, etc.  She is also a strong, independent woman who had made the decision to use donor sperm to pursue her dreams of having a baby on her own.

She and I bonded because we had our iui procedures on the same day… thus we had to endure the dreaded 2week wait (the 2 week period between ovulation and the time when a pregnancy test can confirm a positive result).  This wait feels like an eternity as those who have endured infertility treatment can attest.

So the day I got my BFP (big fat positive) – a major milestone in the world of infertility, Charity got a BFN (big fat negative).

This day was the start of a major emotional rollercoaster ride for me… however it is nothing compared to the ride Charity endured.

A few days later, she happily posted that the AF (auntie flow or menstrual period) she thought had arrived, was simply spotting (common in early pregnancy), so she took another HPT (home pregnancy test) and it was a BFP!!!  We all reveled in her joy and happiness.  This was the best news ever.

A few weeks later, Charity posted that she had gone in for an ultrasound and learned that there is a slight possibility she could be having twins.  She was ecstatic.  Again we reveled in her joy and happiness.   The doctors could not tell for certain if it was a twin or a blood clot, so she scheduled a follow up appointment for today to learn how many babies she’d be having.

Today I read the following post with a very heavy heart:

Hi girls,

I’ve got some terrible news.

I had my sonogram today to determine whether or not I am pregnant with twins. Instead, I found out that my baby died about a week ago. There was no heartbeat.

I’m scheduled for a D & C on Friday.

I will be taking a break indefinitely.

Thanks for all your support and encouragement.
I wish you all the best.

Heartbreaking.  Her due date was just a day after mine.  News like this scares the bejeebers out of me.  After all, this could be my news next week.

Sending you my love, Charity.


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Twitter: sheilamia Email: sheila at sheilablogs.com
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March 2010
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