Posts Tagged ‘infertility


good friends, they mean well

I met up with a friend over the weekend and I realized a couple of things…  #1.  this friend believes I’m unhappy and #2.  this friend feels sorry for me.   It hit me the next day after reflecting on our conversation.  She kept bringing up my infertility situation and seemed to have all the answers with regard to what I should be doing to fix my babyless situation. 

I am going to let it go, because this friend does not have a history of making hurtful remarks and I understand she is only trying to help, but I can’t deny that the conversation annoyed me.

I did speak up about how content I am with life… that I’ve stopped obsessing about having babies, and that I’ve accepted that it may not happen to me.  “I’m happy, I promise!” I don’t feel like my message sunk in. 

I realized this weekend that people project how they feel or what’s going on in their life.  I am sure if she were in my shoes, she would be unhappy and likely would want advice from others.


Wow. someone in my shoes.

Sometimes you come across a heartfelt story that seems to speak to you and only you.

That’s what happened when I came across this blog entry.

I so relate to this woman’s current state of mind.   Similarly, I made a decision to go “on vacation” from the process called, TTC (trying to conceive).  The biggest reason was an attempt to retain my sanity.  The TTC process is completely INSANE.

Although I am “on vacation” (as my heroine of “An older version of me” is as well), I am also a prisoner of my age.  I can’t NOT go through the process no matter how cavalier I pretend to be.  There are limited monthly cycles left for me.  I just can’t break away from the “process” (peeing on sticks, counting days, spitting on fertility microscopes, testing my cervical fluid) even though I’m trying very hard to be “low key”– it is common knowledge that stress does affect fertility.

Reading her narrative was like getting a breath of fresh air – I’m not alone.  Sometimes that is enough.


I passed the test!

So… this weekend I passed an important test.  Yesterday, a great friend of mine who is pregnant came out to visit with her husband.  I just love them, but there was a small part of me that was apprehensive about how I might feel when I saw her in her pregnant glory. 

I was a little worried that I might uncontrollably feel resentment, sadness, or jealousy in light of all of my fertility struggles.  Since becoming a real adult (arrived there sometime in my mid-twenties), I have not been the type of person who compares myself to others and especially my friends.  But, you just never know what the powers of the psyche may reveal. 

I am happy to report that I passed the test!  I took one look at her and I was filled with pure joy.  I am truly ecstatic for her and found myself wanting to hear as much as possible about her experience. 

It probably helps that this particular friend is fun & interesting on many levels.  Our conversations yesterday were about every topic under the sun, as usual.  I actually had to instigate her to talk about her pregnancy!  There is no doubt in my mind that she will NOT turn into one of those “baby mamas” who lose all ability to converse intelligently, and suddenly can only speak of diapers, daycare and baby registries.  No joke… I do know at least a few “baby mamas”.



In general, I tend to have a pretty “glass full” perspective on life.  I am not sure if it is because my sign (Sagittarius) dictates that I am optimistic or if I am optimistic because I want to accurately portray the characteristics of my sign.  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Either way, it’s a damn good thing I possess this trait.  I cannot imagine what my mentality at this stage of dealing with infertility issues would be if I were a pessimistic person.  Would I still be here?  Okay, I’ll try not to be morbid.

I’ve been thinking a lot about optimism and the ways that we, as human beings, adapt and deal with adversities in life.  

My long awaited period arrived over the weekend, so I’ve developed an new, rejuvenated level of optimism.  Or perrhaps it is naivety?  blind stupidity?  I have noticed that over the past few “normal” cycles (okay so it is a 46 day cycle vs. a 28 day cycle, but at LEAST the cycle is occuring) at the beginning, I feel so ridiculously positive minded and certain that this month is the month…  the month I will be like every other woman in the world and ovulate properly and on schedule.  Ha!  Fat chance.  I must be delusional because this has been my routine the last 4 cycles.  Oh, and then between day 14 and day 24 or so, I use up a box or two of ovulation kits thinking, “today is the day” each and every day until I finally give up. 

Do I sound optimistic now?  No just dumb, you are probably thinking.  Well… I just bought an ovulation microscope (stop laughing) so this month WILL be different, mark my words…



Those who know me know that I’m not one to let the little things get to me.  I don’t typically overanalyze glib comments…  life is too short to worry if someone meant something else when they said, “you look very healthy today” (as an example).

I received an email the other day… it’s still giving me grief.  The word, “childless”, was used to describe me and I didn’t really think twice about it until reflecting upon the email later on.  Obviously, this is a factual statement.  Why should it bother me?

Well, first of all, being childless is not necessarily a “by choice” trademark, at least in my situation.  Would you describe a cancer patient as “diseased”?

Second, there is a negative connotation anytime the word “less” is used.  I can’t help but feel that in the eyes of my friend, I am somehow deficient.  Others MAY view my state of being as a “more” rather than “less” situation.  Perhaps “lifefull” or “freedomfull” are more choice words to use?

Lastly – and I think this is the most disappointing – I felt very alienated by that statement.  US “childfull” gals are on this side of the room.  Aren’t we cool and normal and great?  Oh! poor you on the other side of the room, so lonely with the other sad childless people.  Wait… I’m having flashbacks of Prom night!  

I have always hoped my true friends will remain real to me through good times, bad times, and all the changes and evolutions we all encounter in life.  Don’t get me wrong, there is no doubt in my mind that I will continue to value my friendship with this anonymous emailer.  My level of sensitivity is sky high these days and things that I would normally not think twice about, I’m second guessing.

Now I’m off to partake in one of those activities that only childless people can truly appreciate…

living my life for me.

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Twitter: sheilamia Email: sheila at
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June 2019
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