Posts Tagged ‘sorrow


Here we go again…

I went on a fabulous hike this morning with one of my more inspiring women friends…. damn this girl is impressive. Anyhoo, we talked, cried, and therapatized (and I do not care if that is NOT a real word!).

Amy is the gal who lost her ex husband two weekends ago… she filled me in on some shocking details that have me in a very pensive mood… as well as scratching my head. (MEN, need I say more? although that topic should be reserved for another blog entry).

It is amazing to me how much this woman has been through but she is one of the strongest women I know. Definitely a model for who I aspire to be.

The hike was quite a cathartic event for both of us… the two of us huffing and puffing (okay, just ME), laying it all out in the open, bouncing thoughts and feelings off of each other….. all in the blazing heat (yes, it reached 88 degrees today… on April 12?).

After two hours of blood, sweat and tears (yeah, I exaggerate…. so?!?!?) I felt great… cleansed and ready to conquer the world.

After the hike, we stopped off at Diablo Foods as I wanted to pick up a “princess cake” for my friend Anna. Her birthday is April 15 (yeah, unfortunate!) and we planned to go to dinner that evening.

I dropped Amy off and listened to my voicemail. I had turned off my phone so I hadn’t received the call, but I found myself listening to the most heartwrenching voicemail message. It was Anna… tearfully informing me that her dad had passed away the night before.

It was probably the longest message I’d ever received from my great friend (a bridesmaid at my wedding) who I have always admired for her strength and level-headedness. Within moments, I too, found myself in tears. Her father had been battling Parkinson’s Disease and his condition had worsened in the past 6 months.

I did get a chance to chat with Anna today and I reminded her that he lived a long life and she did everything in her power to go home (South Dakota is quite far from California) as often as possible to be by his side. In fact, she and her sister had visited just last weekend. He died peacefully and my feeling is that he may have had no more strength in him to fight to live. Anna said he hadn’t been eating and he had been bed-ridden. It was time to go.

Having lost my father and my experience when he passed (a bit fuzzy 18 years later), I tried as hard as I could to offer her any tidbit of positivity to help her through this sad time. But I felt at a loss for words. She had many questions for me and I realized that I’ve let my memories of my dad and the experience of loss fade. I was a baby at 19 years old. How can I realize those memories again?

Life goes on. It’s a sad fact and something Amy, her daughters, and Anna will come to find out.

Amy asked me today if I felt that my dad was in heaven, following what was going on in our lives. I told her that I do believe. I believe he knows, and is aware of what we’re up to. Of course I hope he is proud. I am not a religious person by any means… go figure.

One very overwhelming thought I had all day after speaking with Anna is this: she & her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a while. Wouldn’t it be symbolic if she got pregnant now?


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