Posts Tagged ‘friendship


Everyone’s an expert

Lately I’ve noticed a trend amongst friends & family who seem to believe they have “all the answers.”   It’s frustrating when they believe they know best… when in reality?  not so much.

I spent quite a bit of time planning a NYE celebration with friends.  Let me tell y’all, dealing with folks in the service industry is quite different from dealing with folks in the corporate world.  They say they will send you an email, they don’t.  They say they’ll call you back, they don’t.  After calling 25 or so restaurants in the city and virtually getting nowhere, I finally found a place where the receptionist provided thorough information and could accommodate our 10+ size group at a reasonable price… the restaurant gets great reviews as well.  All is good until I get feedback from the peanut gallery: “the restaurant is too far away” and “I want to be close to the water.”  Unfortunately you just can’t please everyone.  I decided to let someone else figure out plans, as I just don’t want to deal with the dissatisfaction.

Yesterday, I received an article forwarded to me from a friend.  The article suggested that first time home buyers should get going NOW.  I am sure this friend meant well, but really? does she know what is right for my husband and I right NOW?  Definitely not.  I am sure my annoyance is reactionary based on receiving so much unwarranted advice from family members, but I can’t help how I feel.

Sometimes I wish I could tell people to butt out.  Unfortunately I am too damn nice.  Is there a nice way to tell someone to butt out?


I passed the test!

So… this weekend I passed an important test.  Yesterday, a great friend of mine who is pregnant came out to visit with her husband.  I just love them, but there was a small part of me that was apprehensive about how I might feel when I saw her in her pregnant glory. 

I was a little worried that I might uncontrollably feel resentment, sadness, or jealousy in light of all of my fertility struggles.  Since becoming a real adult (arrived there sometime in my mid-twenties), I have not been the type of person who compares myself to others and especially my friends.  But, you just never know what the powers of the psyche may reveal. 

I am happy to report that I passed the test!  I took one look at her and I was filled with pure joy.  I am truly ecstatic for her and found myself wanting to hear as much as possible about her experience. 

It probably helps that this particular friend is fun & interesting on many levels.  Our conversations yesterday were about every topic under the sun, as usual.  I actually had to instigate her to talk about her pregnancy!  There is no doubt in my mind that she will NOT turn into one of those “baby mamas” who lose all ability to converse intelligently, and suddenly can only speak of diapers, daycare and baby registries.  No joke… I do know at least a few “baby mamas”.



Those who know me know that I’m not one to let the little things get to me.  I don’t typically overanalyze glib comments…  life is too short to worry if someone meant something else when they said, “you look very healthy today” (as an example).

I received an email the other day… it’s still giving me grief.  The word, “childless”, was used to describe me and I didn’t really think twice about it until reflecting upon the email later on.  Obviously, this is a factual statement.  Why should it bother me?

Well, first of all, being childless is not necessarily a “by choice” trademark, at least in my situation.  Would you describe a cancer patient as “diseased”?

Second, there is a negative connotation anytime the word “less” is used.  I can’t help but feel that in the eyes of my friend, I am somehow deficient.  Others MAY view my state of being as a “more” rather than “less” situation.  Perhaps “lifefull” or “freedomfull” are more choice words to use?

Lastly – and I think this is the most disappointing – I felt very alienated by that statement.  US “childfull” gals are on this side of the room.  Aren’t we cool and normal and great?  Oh! poor you on the other side of the room, so lonely with the other sad childless people.  Wait… I’m having flashbacks of Prom night!  

I have always hoped my true friends will remain real to me through good times, bad times, and all the changes and evolutions we all encounter in life.  Don’t get me wrong, there is no doubt in my mind that I will continue to value my friendship with this anonymous emailer.  My level of sensitivity is sky high these days and things that I would normally not think twice about, I’m second guessing.

Now I’m off to partake in one of those activities that only childless people can truly appreciate…

living my life for me.


The power of generosity

I need to blog about something that has really been bothering me. Something happened over the past week that I recognize is a pattern with me.

I am the type of person who is extremely trusting and willing to give almost anyone the benefit of the doubt. My mother was my strongest role-model and influence growing up. She taught me the power of generosity – this applies to material items as well as generosity in the spiritual, emotional sense. I look at it as a positive, back to basics approach to treating others as you want others to treat you. Like throwing coins in the karma fountain. Those who reciprocate and share in this philosophy are the ones to hold on to. Those who take advantage of your generosity are the ones to let go.

I’m noticing that at times, this personality trait of mine does me no good. The reality is there are people (probably the majority of this world) who take advantage of good-natured, generous souls. I have been burned many times and each time the experience affects me deeply. I find it really hard to comprehend that others aren’t “like me”. Sounds egotistical but I think I cherish this trait of mine and don’t want to change. It bums me out that the more times I get burned, the more inclined I am to become more protective of myself and less generous.

I can only learn from my mistakes. As I advance in age, I find it easier to pinpoint those people quicker than in the past. Luckily the people who are closest to me share in this philosophy and I feel very fortunate to have them in my life.


Good things happen to good people (sometimes)

I learned today that a great friend of mine who I do not see often enough is going to be a daddy.

I feel privileged to be one of only a few to learn the good news. His excitement was obvious from his email and there is no doubt in my mind that he’ll be a great daddy.

I have not met his partner but I know that she is someone very special. The last time I saw my friend, he had many questions for me about the time when Pete and I had broken up for a 6 month period (many many years ago, before we were married, of course). He also mentioned that he was back in touch with this gal.

I recall thinking, “hmmmm…” and sure enough a couple of months later, they were back together with plans to get serious.

My friend is a great guy who has been single much of the time I’ve known him. He is the IT Director at a company where I used to work at. I know first hand his dedication to work, his commitment to excellence and his never ending desire to improve the company.

As a friend, I appreciate his kindness, generosity, and loyalty…. And, he has a fantastic sense of humor.

This baby will be something else, and I am very excited for the family.


Bright Spot

Top 3 things that made me happy this weekend:

1. Friday night drinks with great girlffriends at the St. Regis — the lobby bar is just so elegant, I always feel so fancy here.

1. Omar Vizquel back in the line-up baby. I have the biggest crush on this guy. : )

2. Chill out Sunday afternoon lunch with my favorite people at one of my favorite new joints, Sideboard.


Monday Monday

No… I didn’t win the lottery. C’mon now…You KNOW I would not be sitting here at my desk at 8:40am writing in my Blog if I HAD won. ; )

Anyways, it’s Monday morning. Mondays are always the worst for me as the long week ahead seems so daunting and unsurmountable.

Luckily I tend to pack things in over the weekend… and as usual, it was a satisfying weekend full of fun, time with friends, chill out time with Pete & Lucy and as much outdoor activity as I could handle, given it was oh so COLD. I got used to the 85 degree weather we experienced the previous weekend and I’m quick to get spoiled.

Saturday night, Pete & I attended a Passover Seder. We felt very honored to be invited to a family event. I had never been to a Seder before, so I assumed it would be a very religious experience.

If you have never been to a Jewish Seder, it’s a ritualistic ceremony commemorating the freedom of slaves in Egypt and the liberation of Israelites. There are rules regarding what is acceptable to eat and the event follows a procedure that is dictated in a book called the “Haggadeh”. Certain foods are eaten in a special sequence symbolizing aspects of the historical event. For example, at one point, we ate matzo with “mortar” — symbolizing the mortar the Jews had used to build pyramids. This mortar was a ground paste made from almonds, berries and other items. It was quite tasty… kind of reminded me oatmeal. Everyone participated in the ceremony, reading passages from the Haggadeh at designated times. The main purpose of the Seder is to ensure the younger generations retain the Jewish History and tradition. Considering everyone is an active participant, I am sure young children learn and retain the knowledge as they participate year by year.

I had no idea that this would be one of the most fun Holiday events I had experienced in a long time! Of course, I do believe the reason why it was such fun is our hostesses are very non-traditional Jews. They are also quite easy going with a great senses of humor. The family members all joked and laughed heartily during the entire 3 hour event. This was no somber event.

Oh, and the food was DELICOUS!

Get in touch with me

Twitter: sheilamia Email: sheila at
Add to Technorati Favorites
June 2019
« Sep    

Flickr Photos

Blog Stats

  • 4,480 hits