Welcome to my new world..

So my Eastern Medicine “Practitioner” (not sure what the correct word is) told me today that I can only drink liquids that are room temperature, warm or preferably hot…

She tells me this on the hottest day of the season so far (it’s easily 100 degrees). Gulp, just before my appointment I had devoured an icy fruitsicle.

So, now I’m blogging drinking hot tea feeling like a dumb A and I had to take all of my cold drinks out of the refrigerator. Sigh.

But, all in all, I feel positive about my new Eastern Medicine Plan. My practitioner spent 45 minutes with me talking about the various procedures in store for me. She told me they would mix an herbal remedy. And of course she described my new diet… pretty much I will not be able to eat out in an actual restaurant anytime in the near future.

There goes my social life, officially.

The good news is I didn’t have to pay a dime, the first consultation was FREE! In contrast my previous “practitioner” charged me $275 the moment I walked in the door. Guess that’s just one of the many differences between Eastern and Western medicine.

Okay, now we’re getting hokey..

I’m onto the “positive affirmation” section of the Eastern Medicine book…

They recommend spending about 15 minutes a day repeating the following affirmations:

I am healthy and happy, my hormone levels are balanced.
My cycle is in tune with my body’s natural rhythm.
I will conceive a healthy baby when I make the conscious decision to do so.
I believe in myself, for I am incredible.
I am taking charge of your own fertility.

Come on now! Are you kidding? I think I need to draw the line here. What’s next? patchouli and nude colonies? I gotta keep my mojo, people. : )

The value of friendship

I make darn sure I enjoy every weekend… every moment of the two days off of work are precious to me. I am lucky enough to have wonderful people (and canines!) in my life to help make weekends enjoyable.

I made a realization this weekend… there is nothing more valuable than best girlfriends who you can just BE with, trust, and never feel the concern of offending them. There is no pretense, no judgment, no posturing… Just appreciation, understanding and respect for each other. We appreciate our similarities as well as our differences. If one is having a problem, we try to lend and ear, offer consolation and suggest solutions. There is no bravado or jealousy, even though one of us might be in a better position financially or more successful personally or careerwise. Icing on the cake is a friend who you can have fun with and laugh with.

It is rare to find people in this world who you can develop such a relationship with. Let’s face it, you aren’t necessarily going to have this type of relationship with family members.

Here’s to great friends… I feel blessed to have them in my life!

A new approach

I have made a turn in my pursuit to become fertile… I realized this weekend that the process I have been in just isn’t working. So, I’m going a different route. Instead of following orders and pumping mysterious synthetic products into my system (oh yeah and spending a boatload of my insurance company’s money), I am going to take on an active role. From now on, I’m calling the shots. (I can talk big can’t I?) : )

We’ll see how I feel in a coupla months… but, for now, I feel good about my new “project”.

I had already cut out caffeine, artificial sweetener and alcohol – well, in order to not feel deprived, I will allot myself a glass or so of vino per week : )

I figure, why not? Let’s go all out! I bought a book on Chinese medicine and fertility. I can’t put it down. It’s fascinating. Every single thing I’ve read thus far makes just too much sense.

The contrast between Eastern and Western medicine is stark. They give is following analogy: Western medicine is like throwing fertlizer on a plant, whereas Eastern medicine is about creating a fertile ground, using compost, etc.

So… in the fertility world, the Western medicine approach is to identify which hormones are lacking then hyperstimulate the system with synthetic hormones. Conversely, the Eastern medicine approach is the get the body back to a balanced state hormonally so the body does what it is supposed to do… for women, it’s have babies. Duh!!! How much sense does that make? It’s almost laughable.

I also booked an appointment at an acupuncture clinic that specializes in fertility, and I may go get some Chinese herbs too. It could just be that I need to get my Qi back. (if you don’t know what that means, go get a Chinese medicine book!)

I will keep you updated… watch this space!

The waiting game

Looks like my eggs are happy as can be, comfy cozy, hanging out in my ovaries for now. I am thinking I may as well move into the Reproductive Science Center as the new instructions are for me to come back tomorrow if I get a positive OPK reading and Wednesday no matter what. As if I have nothing better to do! Don’t people work?!? Cause really this stuff ain’t cheap. I pay a copayment each visit and the costs are starting to add up – thank goodness insurance is covering 95% of treatment cost!

I tell all my friends with kids trying to figure out what to do with their lives…. get into the fertility industry — there is MONEY to be made, my friends.

So confused…

I love V, she’s my personal fertility expert. Today, she sent me a vague email alluding to something called, “self-guided work” — as something I should be doing right now in light of my situation. huh?

She’s at work right now so I’m having a hard time getting a clear answer… but my head is spinning wondering what I’m supposed to be doing that I’m not. No wonder I’m having such a difficult time with all this!!

Time for patience.

Patience…

… is not my forte. I am all about immediate gratification. When I want something, I want it yesterday.

Today was the first day I was supposed to use an OPK (ovulation predictor kit) and the test read positive. Trying not to get too excited, I had to stare at the two pink lines for a while. I had never seen a positive ovulation reading before (over 6 months of testing). As per direction from my doctor, I went in for an exam. Turns out it was a false positive. Man, talk about disappointment. The good news is things are “happening” and they expect a true positive sometime this weekend… But now I have to wait again (sigh).

I am in big trouble cause if my patience is wearing thing NOW… Boy oh boy. Let’s face it, the ovulation piece of the puzzle is a minor part of the ENTIRE process…

baby mamas vs. non-baby mamas

I’m making a conscious effort to get emails out to Kathy more frequently (see previous blog entry).

I just received an email from her and I had to highlight stuff that she wrote. Kathy has an amazing way of wording things so you go, “that’s exactly what I meant!” – must be her Marketing background.

“…my eggs are mine, and yours are yours, and I am always happy when sperms and eggs meet successfully – it gives me hope. Nobody gets pregnant just to show someone else up. And one person getting pregnant doesn’t mean there are less pregnancy opportunities for other people….”

Kathy and I have had many discussions around how people in this world seem to think it is quite acceptable to ask about baby plans pretty much immediately upon a married couple’s return from their honeymoon. The Honeymoon return occurred many years ago for both of us… so you can imagine the number of times we’ve fielded the question.

Guess a couples’ sexual behavior and activity is now a public topic for discussion. Not to mention, how does anyone know that the couple hasn’t just miscarried, or perhaps learned that they are infertile? I could see myself bursting out in tears if that were the case.

In addition, we’ve noticed some interesting behavior amongst the women in our network of friends.

The ones who have gotten pregnant and had babies, seem to have risen to a new level of existence than us non-baby mamas. These gals meet up for playdates and have their own secret language that revolves around their respective babies, breast feeding, elite preschools, etc, etc.

Olive branch emails and voicemail messages sent by the non-baby mamas to the baby mamas go unreturned. After all, we are lowly non-baby mamas…. we certainly don’t deserve the respect of a response. Silly me!

It will be interesting to see how things progress as baby mamas children grow up and non-baby mamas become baby mamas….

Guess the moral of the story is we are all evolving, constantly changing individuals, and friends come and go.

I am thinking that my true friends will still be worth sending olive branch emails to when I’m old and gray.

Different forms of therapy

My friend Kathy found my blog the other day. I got an email from her that read, “I see now why I haven’t been getting emails that reveal your deepest thoughts as often, cause you’ve been blogging instead”. DOH! Busted.

I emailed her right back to say, “not to worry, Blogging sure ain’t no replacement for YOU!” (what a shmoozer I am, huh?) But really, and I said this to her… I have really enjoyed my past month or so of blogging. It’s a good break and gives me something else to focus on – besides work – during the day.

I made a promise to myself to create at least one blog entry each weekday. I find myself thinking about what I should write while on my daily walk with Lucy… Much of the time I write pure crap, but I try to mix it up with postings that are meaningful or speak from the heart.

The title of my blog is “random thoughts from a random mind”. Seriously, ideas and topics pop into my brain at random times, and it’s great to be able to get these thoughts out and onto the great information highway.

I really have Ayelet to thank for my “new form of therapy”. If it wasn’t for her inspirational and pretty amazing Blog, I would not have had the motivation to get mine back in shape.

The reality is my email conversations with Kathy are another form of therapy for me. Over the past 10 years or so, Kathy and I have had an email correspondence that is truly special. I’m talking multiple paragraphs at a time. Sometimes we’d write back and forth to each other 2 or 3 times a day… now we’re lucky to get 2 or 3 emails a week from each other.

Back then, we were single, so our discussions revolved around boys, happy hours, dating rules, etc. Now as two happily married and childless women, our conversations are a bit different. Nowadays we talk about the baby vs. non-baby divide we are starting to notice amongst our group of friends, our careers, and how we don’t have nearly as much time these days to write to each other (see…. it’s not just me and my blog!)

I will always treasure this relationship I have with a great friend who I do not get a chance to see often enough, but I always know what’s going on in her life and vice versa.

Hopefully this entry doesn’t fall into the “crap” category! : )

The Plan

I had grand plans over the next week or so, but I must now put question marks next to each event on my calendar.

My new doctor gave me “the plan” today…. Ouch, I think they now own my life.

Last weekend, I had dragged my sweet husband to a cold, sterile, lab so we could get a boatload of blood tests done. No kidding, these people mean business. I left the room woozy after the lab technician drew 6 vials of blood out of me. I think Pete had 5 vials drawn.

The reason for the blood tests were to check to make sure neither of us are inflicted with any infectious diseases. Why should they care? They want proof that we are clean, in the event we try to sue them for giving one of us something during treatment! Man, I forget what a litigious world we live in.

I thought we were done with the red tape, but now they need us to come in to sign consent forms this Saturday (of course I had made plans for that day) — it’s not good enough if we were to sign and fax the forms in. NO… the forms must be signed in their presence — you know how I am, forging Pete’s name all the time. ; )

I start the drugs on Thursday – two a day for 5 days – then wait a few days, then at day 11, I gotta start testing. The moment I get a positive reading, I need to come in to get an ultrasound.

OF COURSE, knowing me and my luck, it will EITHER happen on day 11 (the day I have plans to attend the kick off party for the SF International film festival) OR on day 13 (the day I have plans to go to a music festival in Livermore).

(sigh)

I guess my doctors are just preparing me for what’s in store in the event all of this works — yeah, that’s right: no life!!